Thursday, September 10, 2009

personal attacks

Invariably, at some point in time, you would meet someone, who has the audacity to self proclaim themselves as a health expert with an acute eye for observation and tell you

"My My! Look at you! Look how thin you have become"

First I thought that they reserved such statements only for me, but apparently it's become more like a "Hello How are you" kind of statement now-a-days. Most of them also equate thin-ness to be a sign of being in the doldrums. It is a sad world, where fatness is associated with prosperity. Protest is futile, for irrespective of how much weight you manage to put on, you will hear the same. If you don't believe me, read this post from the beginning all over again.

I used to wonder how can educated folks be so crass, insensitive and stupid. I have rather painfully come to realize that education has nothing to do with it. Education is like a sword. How you use it is solely up to you. Whether you want to slay people with it or whether you want to take on where Robin Hood left, is up to you.

Here are a few ways to tackle these self diagnosed medical, ahem quacks?

A: My My! Look at you! Look how thin you are!
Huck: What's your problem?
A: This ain't healthy man!
Huck: So you associate being fat with health?
A: Of course! Also with prosperity!
Huck: Well then I suggest that you settle down in Japan, marry a sumo wrestler and have sumo kids. I even have great names for your kids, sumo Jr., sumoya, sumoyi, ...

B: My My! Look at you! How thin you are!
Huck: Sadly I wish I could say the same about you. but am sorry! You are just way too bloated out of control that you look like you are going to burst any moment. We are going to have a hell of a time cleaning the floor. Careful! walk slowly!

C: My My! Look at you! How thin you are! You ain't going to get married looking like this!
Huck: I know! Am specifically trying to keep your species away!

D: My My! Look at you! How thin you are!
Huck: Do you have 300 Rs?
D: Yes. I do. why?
Huck: There's a shop in C.M.H road which sells mirrors. You need a mirror very very badly to look at the state you are in. It's unbelievable. I just can't describe it. Please do yourself a favor. buy the mirror!

E: My My! Look at you! How thin you are!
E: No reply?
Huck: Well I ain't like you. I don't make personal comments against other people.
E: Huh? I am pretty thick-skinned to fall for that!
Huck: [silence]

F: My My! Look at you! How thin you are!
[mischievous smile]
F: What?
[longer mischievous smile]

G: My My! Look at you! How thin you are!
Huck: Yes. I can't match you there, but I betcha you can't match me in another.
G: What's that?
Huck: In temper. Now shut the f*** up, a******.

This is my all-time favourite

H: My My! Look at you!
Huck: STOP!
H: Why?
Huck: You were going to say How thin you are. right?
H: Hey! How did you know?
Huck: I always knew you had nothing original about you ;)
On a related note,
Here are a few good things that you *can* say when you meet people.

A: Hey! How's it going?
Huck: Cool! You look awesome
A: You too man! as usual!

B: Hey! Long time no see! There's a glow on your face! What's cooking?
Huck: It's just having you as a good friend, buddy! :)

Spread the joy folks! The world sure needs it!


  1. Good one! Applies to me as well, its hard to explain to people the f***** difference between being healthy and being obese and that "putting on weight" is not a product which can be bought or a project which can be planned!

  2. He he ... Good one... I was always thinking only fat ppl get frustrated from the comments like this... but after reading this I realized that other way rounds also holds good ;-)