Friday, December 31, 2010

2011 - II

Producer: You are back?
Huck: Hee Hee. yeah with a real resolution that everyone who can, should definitely do
Producer: What's that?
Huck: Ditch the lifts, escalators. take the stairs when you can!
Producer: Why?
Huck: cause it's fun! -

Thursday, December 30, 2010


Producer: Welcome to the greatest talk show on Earth hosted by the most beautiful person, on the inside and on the outside!

Assistant Producer: What's the big deal? I thought we were done and dusted with?
Huck: You are kidding! I was on a sabbatical!
Producer: So what is this last show going to be about?
Huck: You are the producer of the show, and you don't know what's it going to be about?
Producer: If only I had that luxury, if only I had...

Huck: Your wish is granted. This show is about new year resolutions. 2011 is almost upon us. So let's all make resolutions. All rise!
Producer: Resolutions? That sounds interesting! How many are we gonna make?
Huck: As many as we can think of!
Producer: Awesome! and how many are we going to actually do?
Huck: That depends. (holding a book) I have with my the 'Huck's dictionary of interesting terms' - As per this book, A resolution is like a promise. It's meant to be made and broken at any time. So well it depends...

Producer: Damn! What's the first one?
Huck: We'll start with the standard one. Let's make a resolution to not make any more resolutions!
Producer: Hear Hear! My dear audience! Huck has gone mad! Aren't we defeating the purpose of the show then? Why would we need to make any more resolutions after that?
Huck: Hear Hear! My super dear audience! I hope you were paying more attention than this stupid producer! (waving the book) We make the resolution and then break it immediately! Moving on to the second one.
Producer: I object! How dare you abuse me on this show? You are such a superficial, shallow person! For years you have been dumping garbage on your audience! and now on me! in a live show! You lazy goose!
Huck: Overruled! (long pause) any more objections?
Producer: I strenuously object!
Huck: Can't you atleast be original in your objections? Why do you copy dialogues from 'a few good men' ?
Producer: Damn! you've seen that too?
Assistant Producer: (hushed tone) Pst! I gave him a DVD copy.
Producer: (hushed tone) Remind me to fire you after the show!

Huck: Of course, I have. Anyways. Since I have been accused that am superficial, shallow and I dump all sorts of garbage on my viewers. So I am going to make a resolution for that.
Producer: What's that? dump sewage instead?
Huck: Looks like even if I wanted to change, some extenuating factors won't let me!
Producer: Err. sorry! Dump Kerosense then?
Huck: No my resolution, err response is I speak the truth. Sometimes the truth is sweet to hear. Sometimes the truth is harsh to hear. It could be nectar or it could be garbage, but it is the truth. No one said that the truth is only about nectar. Did they?
Producer: (Surprised tone) That's a resolution?
Huck: (Waving the book and tapping it) - I have alternate definitions for everything in here!

Producer: Sigh. What's next?
Huck: Next am going to make an example out of you!
Producer: Good lord! What did I do?
Huck: You'll see presently!
Producer: Can't we do it in private?
Huck: Not really! You asked for it by publicly ridiculing me on live television. So can't help it (Shrugs)
Producer: What are you going to accuse me of now, you superficial, shallow person?
Huck: Ha Ha! You are already on the offensive! At the start of the show you termed me a beautiful person and then without warning you call me superficial and shallow because it's convenient. There's a term for that. Hold on. (rapidly consulting pages in the dictionary...)
Producer: (fondly) Found anything?
Huck: Not yet. Hold on...( thumbing more pages...)
Producer: Look at this dear audience! He has no respect for any of your times!
Huck: Found it! Here! (showing the page) It starts with a H. see?
Producer: Damn! You aren't going to show the term to the audience? and make me look even more bad?
Huck: No.
Producer: Why not?
Huck: My next resolution is about forgiveness. I forgive myself for my mistakes (because no one else seems to be) and I forgive everyone else for the mistakes they did to me. So I forgive you. So I'll not ridicule you in public like you ridiculed me.
Producer: Does this mean I can do anything now and get away with it?
Huck: Err. Wait let me think.
Producer: (rubbing hands in glee)
Huck: No wait! The forgiveness is for acts already done.Don't test me!
Producer: Damn! and here I thought I had a real chance!

Huck: Let's move on the next resolution. Shall we?
Producer: Sigh yes.
Huck: The next one is about...
Assistant Producer: Excuse me gentlemen, the advertising guy is on the phone. He wants to know why his advertisement has not come yet.
Huck: WTF! Tell him we are busy making resolutions.
Assistant Producer: He insists
Huck: oh ho! He insists eh? Tell him, I am making a resolution to show all his advertisements with immediate effect!
Assistant Producer: (on the phone talking). Yes. That's what he said
Assistant Producer: (hanging up). He said he's happy now
Huck: Good! Let's get on with the show.
Producer: Wait a nimute! Wait a nimute! Aren't we going to show his advertisement?

Huck: Dear Ladies and Gentlemen of the audience. Looks like this stupid producer will never learn! It was a resolution! Now we break it! Kapish?
How else do you want me to call you now? Intelligent? savvy? stupid!

Producer: (sadly) So much for forgiveness.
Huck: I did warn you. didn't I?

Producer: Are there any more?
Huck: One last one! That's it folks! No more Huck's talk shows anymore!
Producer: Thank God for that! Now I can retire in peace and be free of you!
Huck: (exclaims) Ayyooooooooooooo! Someone give him this dictionary!

Sunday, November 14, 2010

won't you come for the social network?

This is a invitation for the social network movie, just like you wanted.

Friday, September 17, 2010


The gentlemen's game first had match-fixing, where the whole match's results were fixed. Crime does not pay.

So then we have now spot fixing, where the result of a single delivery is fixed. Crime does not pay.

So then we will have field fixing, where something will be fixed before a ball is bowled, and that can only be something with field placements.
So here's my wager.
$3000 that Dhoni will be in the wicket-keeping position
$5000 that Dhoni will be in the wicket-keeping position if Dinesh Karthik is also playing!

aww. Cricket was a gentlemen's game once because of not just the players, but the spectators and people with interest in the game. Where did they all go?

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Improve your word power - I

And you thought driving on Bangalore's outer ring road with errant cabs jumping lanes haphazardly was tough to handle? Sample this...

Today it was almost as if the Gods held a urgent meeting at some point above our heads to give us the worst driving experience.

Bangalore's outer ring road as such is confusion...

Add to that, a generous dose of flyover constructions at every junction is chaos...

Add to that, heavy downpour and slush all around, and you know that it can only be a cataclysm!

Add to that, the famous peak hour, you have nothing short of a catastrophe!

Add to that, a night-out spent in office, with tiredness and fast losing reflexes you could have a catastrophe with collateral damage!

Fortunately I was driving back in the opposite direction and I could only smile as I drove back peacefully witnessing all the above.
It could have been worse! I could have been on the other side...

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

How to take over the blogosphere

I've not been blogging for some time...

Of course, there's not much of an audience for this blog anyway. So there's none really buzzing(s-cusey the pun) to say they missed reading what I write. So while I contemplated on how to increase the viewership, I embarked on a secret project (codenamed: blogslog) and for the very first time in the history of mankind and womankind, am publishing the results 'royalty free'

Under no circumstances will I be held responsible should anything happen to you if you use the results of my cutting edge 'original' research. Of course no warranty or post production support is provided.

Title: How to take over the blogosphere


The good blogs engage in a form of mutual back scratching with other bloggers and well that sort of grows faster than

a) How a bunch of baddies join hands in movies to take on the Hero
b) Bamboos!
c) watching your frustration grow at seeing an advt that you saw just minutes ago!
d) Rajnikanth being able to light a fire with his gaze

My friend. My friend. My friend.
A this is B, B this is A. What me? Am the AB!
His friend. Her friend. You know that friend? His friends. His friend's friends. Her friends. Her friend's friends. Friends of friends. Their friends. you get the idea? While you ponder over the idea, scusey back scratching time... scratch scratch scratch. OK. Where were we? Are we big enough? Seems like it. What he's bigger than me? Scusey scratch scratch scratch. There?

'Am I big now?'
'No He's still ahead by a mile. Damn!'

Tring Tring.

'Am sick at home.'(interpret as I need time to do some scratching)
'OK take care'
scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch.
'Did you have your tablets?'
'Yes I did. Call later. am feeling tired' (with all the scratching ...)
scratch scratch scratch scratch.

Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the biggest of them all now?
'You of course! esp after you took a sick day and went one up on the competition. You win the best scraper, err. scratcher, err. celebrity award for the year!'

Note: The above process is a ISO 9000S certified process (The S stands for 'Social') and can be witnessed on good blogging sites, micro blogging sites a.k.a twitter

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Mile Sur Mera Tumhara

Mile Sur Mera Tumhara  - There's a new 'contemporary' one out.

Update: Watch it elsewhere. It does not even deserve any link-love [yeah yeah the whole world reads this blog :)]

Here's what's wrong with it.

It suffers from a meaningless overdose of movie personalities and then as an after thought near the climax, the olympic medalists are included. I suppose it tries to cater to the current who's who and doesn't want to offend any of them and in the process, they have ended up insulting and offending millions of viewers, who have actually felt something good about it always

If they did want to cater to all the who's who, what about the innumerable people who've been left out?

I simply don't feel that surge of pride that I feel almost without fail when I see the older one, especially near the grand climax when the whole thing builds up to a wonderful crescendo. The new one is just too long and a crescendo like effect does happen somewhere near the beginning when Shankar Mahadevan & Co are seen. Totally incongruous

The old one portrayed beautifully the struggles of a boatman, a washer man, the common man as R K Laxman would put it. The expressions on each of the personalities were so lovely depicted. Just have a look at Kamalahaasan, who appears for mere seconds if you don't believe me. The new one makes us simply see reality through the rose colored glasses of glossy bollywood and I must admit the view is crappy with all the over the top gestures and acting.

Am no musician, but why the heck do they tamper so much with bloody tunes that you don't even feel good when hearing it?

There were parts of the old one, where you almost felt like family, when you really bonded with the persona and places who represented a bit of you in big diverse India. This was the crux of the whole song and the meaning behind the words 'mile sur mera tumhara', and the new one? don't even ask. It's as if all the celebrities are lining up and trying to persuade me (very badly at that) that am still a part of it all! Whoa!

The old one was short, in-tune, in-sync with the times. No one had too much of footage. Even elephants had enough footage. The less said about the new one, the better. It might be in-tune with the times. There is Salman and he's shirtless, but someone please explain to me what that has to do with national integration!

I could go on. Classics are by definition very hard to live upto and it's almost universally accepted that sequels are doomed to fail, and that way this didn't fail (pun!) our expectations.

Here's the one and only 'mile sur mera tumhara' and the 'phir mile sur mera tumhara' (am playing it again)