Sunday, July 19, 2009

By popular demand - Huck's talk show - II

Live on Television

Producer: Welcome to Huck's talk show-II. The first was a roaring success!
Huck: (surprised) It was?
Producer: It was! Frankly all of us here at the studio are quite stupefied at the TRP ratings released. How on Earth did we do it? How on Earth did we go from being a nothing show to the world's greatest show? How on Earth did we ...
Huck: That's enough! I'll take it over from here
Producer: But this is my show
Huck: It's 'Huck's talk show'!
Producer: But I put all the money in it. Can't I get my 2 minutes of fame?
Huck: For the money you've put in, we've given you a state of the art swivel chair. There! (pointing near the curtain). Now get going!

Huck: Ladies and Gentleman, Welcome to (stresses) Huck's (end_stress) talk show!
Audience clapping and not stopping
Producer: Aren't you going to stop them? We are wasting precious air time!
Huck: Heh No way! Let me savour this (eyes closed. arms up as if invoking rain...)
Producer: Camera man! Ignore him and put that 2 minute advt on indiscipline and chewing gum. I feel like spitting at him!

2 minutes later

Huck: Today's talk is about education.
We have amongst our distinguished panel, specially hand picked by me
Dr. Ms. Phd: A Doctor of philosophy. Very distinguished. Very attractive. Very intelligent.
Dr. Mr HD: A Honorary doctorate. He's achieved so much in some field and keeps achieving a lot of things, that they decided to shut him up once and forever by giving him a honorary doctorate.
Mr. IKL: Mr. I know a lot, who has studied the most in his village, i.e. till the 4th standard.

Welcome to the show one and all

Huck: Alrite. It's a free for all! Go!
Phd: I think Mr. IKL has no right to be on the show!
HD: I second that! Both Phd and me are Dr's. What are you?
IKL: Shut up you snobbish f***** up people!. One more word, I am gonna sever your head from your body with my sword!
Huck: Oh my God. How did he smuggle a sword in here? Security Security!
Security: Sorry sir, the x-ray was not working and he looked harmless enough
Huck: How many times should I tell you that appearances are deceptive? Look at me! Do I look like running the greatest show on Earth???
IKL: Shut up Huck
Huck: Take him off! I want no blood on my show.
Producer: (feebly) It's my show
Huck: Shut the f*** up!
IKL: (being dragged out) You'll pay for this! Just you wait until you get out! Am waiting for you! and my sword will be waiting for you!

Huck: There you see ladies and gentleman, that's what a lack of education can bring us to.
HD: True. I would never think of using a sword, when am educated. In fact I'll use dynamite like this one here. see?
Huck: WTF???
HD: All stay put! Freeze! No one move! One move and I'll blow this studio to pieces!
Huck: Seeeeeccccccuuuuuuurrrrrriiiiiiitttttttttyyyyyy!
HD: (being dragged) You'll pay for this! Am waiting for you outside!

Huck: Jesus! (To Phd) What have you got? A missile launcher?
Phd: Nope. I majored in chemistry. I don't like blood.
Huck: Thank God for that! What are we going to do now? We don't have much of a panel here now!
Phd: We could invite our producer and maybe some one from the audience.
Producer: Yes me! me! am ready!
Huck: Producer! No way! He ain't getting on my show! Let him earn it! We'll invite two more people from the audience. Choose a number from 1-10.
Phd: 5
Huck: One more?
Phd: 7
Huck: Ok. Inky pinky ponky, father had a donkey. you! and you! come over here! you are part of our distinguished panel now!
Huck: What's your names?
New comers: Raj and Rakhi
Huck: Eh? Good!
Huck: (Handing over two leaflets) These are the terms and conditions of being a panel on Huck's talk show. Read it and sign it

Huck's Talk show
Terms and Conditions
- When you are interrupted by Huck, you will shut the f**** up!
- You should allow yourself to be abused/shouted at/harassed by Huck

I have read the terms and conditions and agree to it.

Dated Signature


Huck: All done? Good! Let's get going. What was the talk about?
Phd: Education

Producer: We are running out of time! You've wasted 30 mins on all your drama!
Huck: Eh? Damn!
Producer: Better conclude it now Huck
Huck: Ladies and Gentleman, due to unforeseen difficulties, today's show had a lot of drama. It's difficult to pinpoint whether Education or lack of it had anything to do with it, but I suppose you'll derive your own conclusions! Thank you for wasting your time with us today! We hope you'll do it again! Bye for now!


Huck: Phew! That was one hell of a show
Phd: Finally we are together! I wanted to experiment the new chemical acid that I have on you privately!
Huck: securityyyyyyyyyyy!

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