Sunday, July 26, 2009

Talk shows and now dance shoes! - IV

Live on Television

Producer: Welcome! You've all seen Huck's (very_soft_tone) my (/end_soft_tone) talk shows rise to incredible heights. We thought we'll cash in on the popularity and migrate over to dance shows now. Huck declined to host this show though!
Audience: Boo! Boooooooo!
Producer: So we have done away with hosting! No hosts for this show, only judges and on his own request, he's now a judge on the show!
Audience: Yayyyyyyyyy!
Producer: Alrite over to the judges. My 2 mins is up. :(

Huck: Welcome all! My co-judges today are Ms. Diana, a fair maiden and an accomplished dancer herself and Mr. Fara, a fair minded libran. For the benefit of the audience, let me re-iterate that am a nobody at dancing and am in direct competition with Fara here on staking a claim for the award of zilch knowledge on dancing. So let's hope that the fair maiden can salvage some pride for the judges!
Fara: Can't you cut down on your honesty a bit??
Huck: Oh! Come on! My fair minded friend. It will be fine!
Diana: Let the dances begin!
Huck: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

1 guy dancing for 3 minutes

Diana: That was splendid! Refreshing beginning to the program. Congratulations!
Fara: Awesome! Very well done indeed!
Diana: (to Huck in a low voice) Huck wake up! wake up!
Huck: (waking up): (to Diana in a hushed tone) what's the verdict?
Diana: (to Huck in a hushed tone): good
Huck: (clapping rapidly) Good! great! well done!
Contestant 1: Thank you judges!

1 gal dancing for 3 minutes

Diana: The previous dancer has set a benchmark. Am afraid you didn't get till there, but all the same very well done! Some of your moves, esp those snakey ones were superb!
Fara: Awesome! Like Diana said, not there, but still pretty good
Huck: (Fully awake): You call that dancing? The chemistry was totally missing!
Diana: (to Huck in a hushed voice): you can't crib about chemistry when there is a solo dancer!
Huck: I can't? Damn! (to contestant) Physics too! Totally amiss!
Contestant 2: (crying and leaving the stage) I hate you Huck!
Huck: really? Wow! I can make someone hate me in just under 5 seconds! Must be a new record!
Diana: (smiling at Huck and nodding) Hmm Impressive. Very Impressive...

1 guy dancing for 1.5 minutes

Diana: (About to say something)
Huck: (Taking a cue) Hold on! Hold on! You call that dancing? That's preposterous!
Producer: Can't we atleast let him finish his routine? He's got his 3 minutes of fame.
Huck: No way! I am not subjecting my viewers to this kind of trash! I would rather that they listen to my expert comments than watching such rubbish in the name of dancing
Diana: Huck please. He was not that bad!
Huck: No Diana. I know you could'nt bear him. You were about to say the same in milder terms
Diana: I was about to appreciate that particular move he just made. I was going to say 'magnificento'
Huck: You were?
Fara: Why do you jump to conclusions so quickly? It was magnificento
Huck: Fara, Do you even know what maginificento means? Alrite. Magnificento it was! damn!
Diana: Contestant no 3, please continue.

contestant 3 dancing for 1.5 minutes

Diana: Well done! Magnificento! By far the best exhibition I have seen so far on stage!
Fara: Awesome! Magnificento! Words fail me! so excuse me!
Diana and Fara: (Looking at Huck) Huck?
Huck: (in a low voice) I feel very weak! (/end_low_voice) Good job man! And... nice shoes! And you know what? To make up for my earlier rubbish, I award you 11 points out of my allocated 10! Happy?
Diana and Fara: You can't do that! All of us have just 10 points
Huck: I can't? Who else has points to spare? (looking around)
Producer: Don't look at me! I am just a mere producer
Huck: Alrite! (to contestant) Tell you what? We'll do one point carry-over for you next round! Yeah? You like that? Eh? You are smiling! So I suppose you *do* like that!
Huck: (to Diana) How did I handle that? Wasn't that impressive?
Diana: No you moron! you ought to have awarded him a free selection in the next round. One chiller point is worthless! It's like 50 paise now, it's lost it's value already!
Huck: Oh! I'll try to remember that, but strange are the ways of this world!
Fara: Which planet are you from anyway???
Huck: The same f****** planet that you are from!
Producer: Damn! I thought this was going to be a very well behaved show, but he was warming up and he's just started! f***! f***! f***!


Contestant 1: Alrite! What's the verdict?
Contestant 2: Diana gets 10 in my book. Fara gets 9! Atleast he echoes her sentiments
Contestant 3: I second that!
Contestant 1: Aye! we are in agreement. and Huck?
Contestant 2: -10, assuming that there can't be a worser rating than that
Contestant 3: No there is something worse. We can refuse to rate him! And let's carry over the refusal to all subsequent shows also!
Contestant 1: Aye! Are we in agreement?
All Contestants: Aye!

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