Saturday, July 18, 2009

The magic of statues

Reporter: I hear you are constructing so many statues of yourself all over your state. Isn't that so megalomaniac-al? Can't you use your funds for something better, like say bringing in electricity, water to affected districts?

Politician: Ahambra! Don't level such a baseless charge against me. Whatever I do is for the good of the state, for the good of the people.

Reporter: How so?

Politician: Firstly I am constructing only bare minimum of statues. i.e. one in each street of each city of my state. ok? Secondly many people think I want to construct these statues, so I can leave around my legacy forever, but that is not at all my intention.

Reporter: What might that be then?

Politician: To bring in electricity, to bring in water, to bring in milk to my districts!

Reporter: milk? can you enlighten me further?

Politician: You see our people are idol worshippers. Bring in a deity before them, they will do all that they can. They worship politicians. They worship film stars. They worship larger than life characters and they are very pessimistic, so they will worship anyone above them. They worship idols. They want idols.
So I say, let's give them a idol. Let's give them a living idol, so they know that there is someone who can grant them whatever they worship for, because that living person is in power. So by erecting a statue of me, they will automatically worship it. How will they worship it? With water! With milk! Where will these come from? from the skies? It has hardly rained here! and even if it did, it will not rain milk! So they will find means to transport water and milk. A distribution system will come in place automatically. At night, the idols will still need to be worshipped. yes? So it will be decked up with a 1000 lights. How will you light them up? With AA batteries? The infrastructure will catch up, once you give a reason. A reason for officials to work, a reason for people to demand that the officials work. The statues are the reason! It's a cultural shift in thinking! and ultimately we can go from being a state of poverty to a power-rich state. you get me now??? All this happens how? by erecting a statue!

Reporter: Wow

Politician: I have more plans based on this. I plan to network the statues together using cable, and there will be a webcam on the top of each statue. So people will vie for the attention of the webcam in the hope that the worshipper is being noticed. Ultimately it will lead to technological advancement of each street, each city and each state. Every street in the state will be networked across to every other street. Law and order will then be very easy. We will be able to track criminals from street to street. You get me??? Even the U S A does not have things like this. You level baseless charges against me. I am disappointed with you. A man of such intelligence as you should not join the mob and accuse me thus.

Reporter: I am floored!

Politician: We need people like you. Can you help us making this place a better world?

Reporter: Tell me! Tell me! What do you want me to do? I'll do anything for you, my lord!

Politician: (Smiling gleefully at yet another idol worshipper) Let's see. At the junction of Ambedkar road and Vivekananda Street, they are having some caste issues erecting the statue. One group wants the statue to face one way and the other group wants it to face the other way. Can you proceed immediately there and resolve that issue?

Reporter: ok! but which way should it face?

Politician: Use your intelligence man! It's not important which way it should face, but that it should be there and serve as motivation for people to work!

Reporter: Of course! Am on my way!

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