Live on Television
Huck: Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Huck's talk show!
Producer: Are you going to tell them or not?
Huck: I am worried about the reactions, but anyways here goes.
brief pause and heavy breathing
Huck: Folks, we've run into problems with the censor board, the wildlife protection group, the red cross group, the income tax department, the education ministry, women's rights groups, national human rights commission, political groups and the association of 'well behaved people' (Who even knew they existed???).
All these groups have criticized the show for it's dripping satire and sarcasm. A few of us have been threatened with dire consequences, if we continued to host this show. A few of us have received murder threats. I now read out a long list of threats, comments that we have received.
Censor Board: Who the f*** gave you a certificate to host a show with so many f****** comments in it? f***, whoever granted the f****** certificate!
Wild-life protection group: There were no animals used in any of your shows! What role do we have in society if you are not planning to use any animals/birds? Unless you want to use them, our signatures are rendered obsolete! We, the wild-life protection group, are becoming an endangered species because of your senseless acts!
Education ministry: We condemn the episode on education. It made a motal tockery of education. Further sex education was not covered and was deemed out of syllabus. violation of protocol.
Income Tax: All those SMS's - the money that you raked in, have you paid tax on that? That swivel chair, that your producer uses, is that imported? What about the advts? How can a show be so popular and have only one advt? Where are the funds coming from? Swiss/Cayman Islands? Where are your accounts? Where is ...
(The list of questions runs to a 400 page document, but you get the general idea...)
Women's rights: In the dance show, the woman received less points than both the men. We condemn this outrageous act. This was a classic case of gender discrimination. We have filed a complaint with the national human rights commission.
National Human rights commission: We have received a complaint from the Women's rights groups. We are investigating it and you should soon be receiving a detailed notice. You have been warned! We will approach you to take your statements, where-ever you might be (We think the likely place would be a Jail, though)
Red cross: Not one paisa was contributed to charity. A show this popular, and so greedy. The gluttonous producer and the menacing uncouth Huck make only personal attacks against people and do not contribute anything back to society!
Political Group 1: I made a telephone call during the dance show to make my nephew (contestant 1) win. Why didn't he win? Boy! are you in trouble now!
Political Group 2: Did you know that Mr. IKL from your talk show is from the minority caste? Do you have any idea what that means? Tuesday will be a bandh to condemn your action in public!
Political Group 3: We deplore this talk show. This show is against our culture. Our culture is being vandalized by this show. (Come on my men! Let's vandalize their studio in return!)
Death Threat 1: Shut down shop and go abroad and settle, before it's too late.
Death Threat 2: We are from the underworld. Congratulations! You have received a promotion and now are no 1. and no. 2 on the hit list. The producer is no.1 and Huck is no.2. We are however flexible and willing to swap these positions, if you so desire. Wondering what the difference between these two positions are? Hmm. we would say about a minute or so!
Death Threat 3: Do you like to be burnt or buried? Our preference is to burn you. We can save some money on the caskets that way.
Association of Well behaved people: (letter follows)
Esteemed and Honorable Producer and Dear Huck,
It is with the deepest apologies that we have to write such a letter to both your respected selves. We find the content on the talk shows very disturbing. Please note that we love both of you. It is only the content that disturbs us. If you could please change the format of the show to be slightly more polite, we would be forever in your debt.
Looking forward to a favorable reply from your respected selves
Association of well behaved people
Huck: There you have it!
Obviously we can't fight all these groups. We have neither the time nor the inclination, and so sadly, it is with great pain that we have to announce that there will be only one more final talk show, that will be telecast live around the world on Aug 15 2009!
The day India celebrates it's independence, we will be losing it (satirical laugh)
Huck: So much for democracy! Jai Hind!