Thursday, May 14, 2009

It's time

One of the most difficult things in life is to wake up early (atleast for me). I've tried so many solutions...
  • Alarm clocks of various sizes
  • Alarm clock on the mobile with wacky tunes. The latest experiment is to try getting up to a wild wild west tune with a lasso throwing horse man trying to strangulate my neck unless I get up (Yeah. Gory, but it still doesn't work!)
  • Family and friends calling me on my mobile and persisting until I answer the phone. (On disconnecting however it's the usual story)
  • A lil will power. ( I guess I need a lot more!)
and I now look at it, it's become pretty much a habit that's longer than a decade! One of my friends remarked that it's gonna be as difficult as it prob is to kick off smoking! I suppose that's pretty accurate.
Let's see what all I have missed out on over the years
  • The first one/two classes of most days at college. No wonder my internals were so messed up. (Yes it's been a habit since then! No wait, actually much earlier, since I was born I think)
  • Breakfast on majority of days! (Yeah that sucks)
  • Socialize. The less time spent awake, the less time there is to socialize. (Well that ain't a big deal)
  • A lot of sunshine and Sun's love! (Ah, but the afternoons are not so forgiving either, with me being swamped by the Sun's emotions!)
  • Being termed as a 'diurnal' creature
Let's see what all I have gained over the years

  • Sleep, blissful sleep with nothing, I repeat nothing so far able to shake me up.
  • Boosted my ego, what with project managers at work actually picking me up from home on release dates, just so I could arrive one day on time and release the project!
  • Made people realize that there is after all something real about the epics, "Mahabharata" and "Ramayana", with me representing the character of "Kumbhakarna"! (Maybe am cursed too! Ha!)
  • Less stress! If you are awake for a very small part of the day, there are less things you are involved with and by corollary, less stress!
  • A few disgruntled managers, who have actually gone to the extent of fining me for coming late and then realized it was a bad idea, cause I was willingly paying anyway ;)
  • A few more disgruntled managers, who gave me 'the look', but who were also returned the favour in double dose on rare days when I made it early!
So, I figured out YAWUEA (s/w terminology, Yet Another Wake Up Early Attempt) and this blog is precisely about that.

I see two solutions. Let's talk about the first one in detail, as it merits a little something.

a) I need a Humanoid Robot
Ok That doesn't sound right. I need a robot, which is specialized enough in the intelligence of waking-up people, So let's call it wake-a-noid. Hmm doesn't sound right. Wake-a-noid, Wake-a-noo?, Wake-a-roo. Hmm Wakeroo sounds almost like waterloo. Anyways for want of a better word, it will have to do for now. So here is a imaginary conversation/sequence between how the wakeroo can wake up *anyone*. Well, If it can wake me up, I presume it can wake up anyone! Of course each wakeroo comes with pre-built factory methods, but you can teach it new tricks for specialized situations. For more information, contact the dealer*

6:55: Wakeroo: Wakey! Wakey! It's time
Huck: The What? Who in their right mind will want to wake up someone so early? You are mad!
Wakeroo: Allow me to remind you that you have this weird habit of setting up alarm timings at 6:55,7:25
Huck: (yawning with still eyes closed): Yeah. It's a psychological advantage. Allows me to sleep for 5 more minutes. Now begone and come back later
Wakeroo: (looking up in-built manual) Yeah that's there in the manual. You are allowed a sleep of another 4 minutes and 35 seconds.
Huck: You stole 25 seconds with your stupid conversation. So make it 25 minutes penalty. Wake me up at 7:25
Wakeroo: (performing some complex calculations, which give the verdict of agreeing once to human owner) ok, as you wish

7:25 Wakeroo: It's time
Huck: You make it sound like I have to get up to my death! What's the point of getting up so early, with such a nasty thought early in the morning?
Wakeroo: It's time
Huck: oh come on. I can barely keep my eyes open
Wakeroo: (tickling Huck's legs)
Huck: Hee hee. Hey! leave me alone (grabs the blanket over his legs and is wrapped tight)
Wakeroo: Hmm this situation has reached escalation level. Initiating alternate strategy A for Alpha
Huck: zzzzzzzzz
Huck: (cold water being splashed all over) zzzzzzzzzzz
Huck: WTF??? Leave me alone! I'll sue you! (covers face also with blanket now)
Wakeroo: (sternly) It's time
Huck: (pretends to not hear)
Wakeroo: (loudly) It's time
Huck: (pretends to not hear)
Wakeroo: Initiating alternate strategy B for Beta
Huck: zzzzzzzzzzzzz
Wakeroo: (grabs blanket by brute force and succeeds)
Huck: (resists mildly and loses)
Wakeroo: (splashes cold water all over Huck)
Huck: Just you wait, until I get up! you @#$@#$%#%^. you are gonna wish you were never born
Wakeroo: I wasn't born anyway
Huck: you sarcastic pig! Leave me alone.
Wakeroo: Not until I have succeeded. You have exactly one more minute to comply.
Huck: (yawning) And then what?

7:34 Wakeroo: (initiates timer on stop-watch and observes closely). You'll see. hee hee hee

7:35 Wakeroo: It's time
Huck: (ignoring)
wakeroo: Lifts off a sleeping huck and right into the shower and turns on the shower full blast!
Huck: Damn! brrrrrr. Can't you atleast give me moderately hot water? I give up! you win!

7:40 Wakeroo: Mission accomplished! (Mission impossible tune playing in the background) I'll leave you to take your bath now. (performs more complex calculations and calculates success ratio as 99.5% success within one hour of transaction initiation and smiles achievingly. Who-ever gave that sarcastic pig such a perfect set of teeth? )
Huck: (door locked now. inside bathroom) zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Well, there's only so much machines can do, which brings us to our second solution.

b) sheer will power on my part! That's another story altogether ;)

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